Muppet Monday: Sesame Street–Robert DeNiro and Elmo

“riboflavin”  hee hee.

Bad Haircut

Neglect of my locks created a big bushy beast that needed help.  I was waaaaaaaaaay overdue for a haircut.  Having yet to find a salon/stylist that I really like, I just located a nice sounding place online near our house.  There were even a couple reviews written about other people’s positive experiences there.  So, I booked it.

The salon was decent enough, although a bit dated.  The word “tacky” entered my mind not a few times while getting the “tour”.  OH yes, there was a tour.  Before getting shampooed, my stylist insisted on showing me around–the nail section, the product lines, the massage rooms, the pedicure baths (“we wash and disinfect our tubs after every client!”), the “scent bar” where you can choose your massage oil scent…

My stylist (let’s call her “Lola”) was not overly chatty.  This is good.  I hate small talk with strangers.  We determined I needed my hair to be short and easy to deal with because I am too busy with three small children at home.  And *that* may have been my first mistake.  Lola shares that she is also a mom of a three-year-old.  Oh how I wish that is where this conversation ended.

Parenting is just not a good “small talk” subject for me.  I have opinions on the matter.  They do not seem to be the prevailing opinions of our culture.  As a teacher, I was taught, and encouraged to believe that there are three ways to parent:  Be Authoritarian.  Be Permissive.  Be Something InBetween.  (they call it Authoritative, but doesn’t that sound just like Authoritarian?)  My hero, Alfie Kohn refers to this as “goldilocks thinking”–it’s not too harsh, it’s not too soft, it’s juuuuust right.  I find this paradigm to be completely and utterly useless.  What I have found, in addition to Alfie’s fabulous book on the matter, is what is underwhelmingly referred to as Positive Parenting.  It’s also been dubbed “gentle discipline”, “grace-based discipline”, “connection parenting”, “attachment parenting”, and my favorite “get-off-your-butt parenting”.  In very simple terms, it goes like this:  Children are people.  Children deserve the same respect that other human beings enjoy.  Positive Parenting is non-punitive.  That’s right, no punishment.  No time-out, no “naughty chair”, no “logical consequences”, and it shouldn’t even have to be said, but here it is just the same, no spanking.

Now I get that most people have a hard time believing that what you’ll get without punishment is not a whole lotta chaos and “untamed” children.  There is definitely little in our culture that supports the idea of respecting children, and to get what that means took a lot of reading on my part and a journey that started back before children when I found Alfie’s articles for teachers.  But, now that I’ve “seen the light”, I have a real difficult time with the ‘conventional’ parenting/discipline methods that surround us.  I actively avoid all mainstream parenting magazines, websites, books.  I can’t even sit through a commercial for “Super Nanny” or whatever it’s called.

I’m going to add in here my disclaimer, although it should just be a given, that I am not a perfect parent.  There is just no such thing.  I am human and on a never-ending journey–always learning and growing–just like everybody else.  That being said, HITTING CHILDREN IS ALWAYS WRONG.  I won’t say more about this as there is plenty of evidence of this Truth, not including the fact that hitting children is ILLEGAL in most other countries of the world.

So, back to the bad haircut.  Lola does her thing.  snip snip, comb, cut.  She talks about the other stylist and her trip to Europe (“or Paris..one of those places”).  Then, she pauses, and starts in with how she’s finally read this great book that everyone has recommended to her.  I will not plug his book here, nor even mention his name (let’s call him Dr. D).  Lola begins to tell me all of the great advice she’s gotten from Dr. D.  How she used to spank and give her kid “pops”on his hiney, but Dr. D says when spanking you should never use your hand… I’m bug-eyed and panicked at this point.  I don’t want to hear what the alternative is.  She gives it to me anyway, and goes on to describe how all she has to do now is threaten her three-year-old with THE PADDLE.  Eeeek!  Get me out of this chair!  My non-response (and desperate clutching) should be a clue to change the subject, right?  But now Lola is looking at me expectantly.  She’s asked me a question.  “What do you do to make your kids listen?”  OH MAN, can this get any more uncomfortable?  So, I say the first thing I think of, “well, I don’t hit them.”  “Really?”  she says sincerely, “not even a little pop?”  “What do you do then–time-out?”  “Um, no.  No time-out.”  She’s stumped.  “Well, what DO you do?” she asks (and really nicely, I should add.)  “Well, I talk to them.  And when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing, I give them something else to do.”  “Huh!”  she says.  Clearly the idea of redirection wasn’t in her current box of parenting tools.   Lola goes on and on about how it’s really “worked” for her, and how her little one jumps when she tells him things now.  Ugh.

During this exchange, Lola continues the haircut and aks me several times if this or that is okay, if I prefer things one way or the other.  I haven’t heard a word of it.  I smile and nod and say “sure” and “great”–whatever it takes to get her to finish so I can escape.  I even end up with two bottles of product I don’t need in my lame attempts to get her to stop talking and let me out the door.  And the best prize, of course, is my horrible new haircut.  I hazily remember her using a phrase like “short, but still feminine here in the back”.  It sounds eerily similar to “business in the front, party in the back” in my mind.  Husband confirms it.  I have a mullet.  How’s that for injury with my insult?

Another non-toy toy

The boys recently located the guest room’s closet and the piles of suitcases within. They’ve been “going to the airport” for three days straight now. Will very much enjoys the packing and unpacking of things, including his brother and his-self. Ben mostly enjoys telling you that he’s going to the airport, then rolling the luggage down the hall, only to return 30 seconds later to let you know he’s come home. Mark is nearly insane with the repetition and will periodically refuse to play, offer suggestions on alternative scenarios, or pretend to sleep. This, of course, does nothing to sway the players. In fact, it might just intensify the need to have him as a participant. “Dadda!! Play Airport!!” “Mark, help me!” (those darn retractable handles) “Waaaa-aake up!!!!!!!”

I’m reading Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. I’ve read it before and I’m now rereading it with my new book club. It’s a fantastic book with really valuable insight into attachment, connection, and healing through play. Cohen talks about how children work stuff out through their play. All the hurts, worries, anxieties, and other emotion overloads children experience daily are prime themes for the play they choose. According to Cohen, all these negative feelings are the byproduct of disconnection. By being a “playful parent”, one can reestablish that connection, and speed in the healing that comes from playing.

So, the suitcase game is obviously about separation, loss, and reuniting. Mark is finally back to a regular schedule after working CRAZY overtime hours for the past six weeks. It doesn’t take a child psychologist to see where the game comes from. Does knowing the reasons and originations of the play make it any easier to tolerate, ad nauseum? Maybe.

Muppet Monday: REM’s ‘Furry Happy Monsters’ on Sesame Street

Love this one.  Michael Stipes sure seems to be having a good time.  And the Kate Pierson (B52s) muppet is perfect, isn’t she?

Buttons

One of our very favorite non-toy toys is a bucket of buttons. Ben used to play with them back when he was two and Will was a baby. They were a special toy we could only play with when the baby was asleep. Now that Will is no longer a baby (he’s just a boy!), he gets to join in on the fun while Ella Rose is sleeping. These parameters of playtime, I’m certain, add to the great appeal of the Buttons. Yet, not only this. There are a bazillion things you can do with a bucket of buttons. Defining and sorting by attribute (ten dollar math teacher word=size, shape, color, etc.) is a natural interaction. There’s also stacking, counting, lining up, creating designs, building, trading, flipping, spinning, rolling, pretending, throwing ["no! no throwing!"], balancing, scooping, pouring, dumping, and then just running your hands through the pile, feeling the cool, smoothness of the shiny plastic as they filter through your fingers. Oh yeah. We love the Buttons.

This particular playtime was all about pretend. There were button muffins since they fit so perfectly into those little paint palettes, there was an oven (“Ben, it’s hot. Get your oven mitten.”), there were ‘knobs’ to turn, things to adjust, buttons to beep and a ‘timer’.

So, why, exactly, do we continue to buy toys?? Who, the hell, knows?

Muppet Monday: Sesame Street’s PRESCHOOL MUSICAL

I haven’t even seen High School Musical, but I *know* this parody is right on. Brilliant.

Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry

Winner! We loved Charleston’s Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry. Super cool exhibits. We didn’t get to play with everything this first trip, so we went ahead and bought a family membership. I’m certain we’ll get our money’s worth. We went with our pal, Becca. She’s here, in her feather boa, posing with the boys in front of the child-size entrance.

Becca and Ben loved the kid-life-size shrimp boat. They intermittently and simultaneously were fishers, workers, and pirates. Will liked the rubber fish, but was a bit put off by most of the other, older children on the boat and their boisterous play. Ben, on the other hand, is excited by the loud dramatic play scenes. He is especially attracted to the “captain”. You know him. The bossiest kid on the boat who has comandeered both the wheel and the captain’s hat? He’s yelling orders at whomever will listen to “man the sails!” “get the nets!” “no, I’M the captain!” The other children follow along with frantic yelling and running in their mock panic. This ’stress’ theme seems to be common across age groups. I wonder if that’s just part of what makes action play exciting, or if it’s a sign of the times. Anyway, here are our little skippers.

The next best part of the museum experience was the grocery store. At least for Will it was. Ben did not secure a shopping cart quickly enough for his liking and returned to the shrimp boat with Becca. But Will. Oh my little shopper. The child-size metal carts are the same as the kid carts the boys love love love to use at Whole Foods. In the museum grocery store, though, the kid’s are in charge. Mama doesn’t get to say what goes in the cart. Once Will figured that part out, it was like a kid in a candy store, er, grocery store. Heh.

The store set up was adorable with shelves of packaged goods, a meat counter, a dairy case (with cool air blowing!), a flower display, a small refrigerator near the checkout lanes with convenience sized drinks. The checkout area was complete with a scanner that actually scanned (all the food had UPC labels!) and beeped and totaled up the bill on the computer screen.

As you can imagine, this is a hugely popular exhibit. Where he was daunted on the shrimp boat, Will charged right into the fury in the grocery. The produce section, where we do most of our actual shopping got a mere glance, with the exception of the procurement of one bright yellow plastic ear of corn. We don’t eat corn. Food sensitivities and diet protocol prohibit it. We haven’t had any in months, maybe a year. Will gleefully tossed that into the cart. He then zipped through the aisles where “real” cans, boxes, and plastic/rubber replicas of food items were neatly placed by their photo labels. None of it too familiar (since we eat mostly whole foods these days), he pounced on the things he recognized. “Mustard!” “Beans!” “Baking soda!” (which cracked me up) He didn’t even blink at the boxes of mac-n-cheese, crackers, or cereal. In the oh-so-cute, “air conditioned” dairy case, however, it was a different story. “CHEESE!!” Will exclaimed, practically exploding with enthusiasm. Where he had only selected one each of the other items, Will cleared the shelves of the cream cheese boxes, hunks of ’swiss’, and bright orange cheddar. Will has never tolerated dairy well. As a breastfeeding infant, he’d puke if *I* consumed any milk products. His intolerance has continued until very recently with the introduction of goat’s milk cheddar. I believe we have an addict.

The grocery store was really really hard to leave. There was some screaming. Some falling down dramatically. Some throwing of baking soda boxes. And then a full recovery. Phew. We can’t wait to go back.

Muppet Monday: Sesame Street’s Telephone Rock!

Remember this one?
Do they even have telephone booths anymore?

Muppet Monday: Grover and Madeline Kahn duet

The boys and I just love this one–really cracks us up.