Christmas Tree 2009

This was our second annual Christmas tree farm trip.  I wrote about our first trip last year here.  Toogoodoo Christmas Tree Farm was just as fun this year, although definitely a bit colder and wetter.   We ended up with another Carolina Sapphire “blue” tree since we loved how unique our tree looked and how good it smelled last year.   We managed to choose and chop our tree, give a brief “hello” to Toogie, play with a few of the outdoor toys, and get the tree tied to the top of the van just in time to miss the rain.  We’re ready for another Carolina Christmas!

The next best thing to Santa

My mom and dad (and youngest sister) came to visit this past week from Chicago(land).  What fun we had with Aunt Anna, Grandma and Papa!

In addition to the lap-time, book reading, giggling and snuggling, we took a trip to the James Island County Park’s Holiday Festival of Lights.   With over 600 light displays AND a choo choo train ride through the enchanted forest, it was a winner before we even got there.

Horse Farm field trip

Ben and his dad went on a field trip today to Eden Wind horse farm.  The program was for kids age 4 and up, so this was a solo event for Ben.  Spending one-on-one time with each of the children is something Mark and I have talked about implementing, but never really do.  Today was a good start.  And also, an excellent opportunity for our RDI goals.

Encouraging the development of Ben’s episodic memory is something we try to do as often as possible.  Recalling what we did everyday with emphasis on emotions and relationship is one way we work on this.  Ben usually reports at dinner the events of the day to Mark.  Today, I got to be on the receiving end of the storytelling.   I had to try very hard to give plenty of time and space for Ben to organize his thoughts and speak freely without me peppering him with leading questions or hurrying him to respond when I thought enough time had passed.  What a great lesson for me this was!  Ben had this to say about his trip–before we even looked at the photos Mark had taken.

“Mama, I rode a horse!”

“A black horse”

[responding to Mark]  “His name was Chocolate.”

“I went in a trailer.”

“I was sad.”

“I wanted go in the trailer again.”

“Molly.”  ["Molly?", I ask]  “Yes, Molly the horse.”

“I brushed Molly.”

“I gave Molly a carrot.”  [me:  "You did?"]

“Yes, I did!”  [smiling at my expression] “You’re feeling surprised, Mama?”

“We walked.”

“A grownup talks.”

“There was a grey cat.”

“I rode a horse.”

“I wanted to ride Molly.”

“I was sad. “

“You’re feeling surprised again?” [again, reading my facial expressions]

“I got a horseshoe.”

What things I can learn by controlling my tendency to talk too much!  By not having a complete context to work with, it was easier for me to withhold from “helping” Ben when he retold his experience at the farm to me.  With only my facial expressions as feedback, there was far less ‘echolalia’ or repeating what I said back to me.  There was great referencing while delivering his messages, and after delivery to record my expressions–even commenting on them.

One thing seemed clear, especially after writing down what was said, that we’ll need to encourage more shared memory experiences.  Along with episodic memory, ASD kids also have trouble recognizing their memories can also be the memories of others.  Scientists apparently refer to this development, humorously, as the “we-go” (as opposed to the ‘ego’) where there is understanding of the self as part of a bigger unit –specifically, a dyad with a parent, at first–that co-regulates and is interdependent.

So, here’s the plan of action for Team Parent:

1.  Talk less, listen more

2.  When we do talk, continue to use more declarative language, less imperative language (describing, not requesting)

3.  Encourage ‘we-go’ development by increasing shared memory experiences and storytelling that uses “WE”

I keep hearing a line from my alma mater’s fight song in my head lately.  It often seems like a battle, if not literally than certainly in our own heads,  to remediate the autism, in that a fight song is certainly appropriate.  It’s a three word phrase, and it’s been used recently in a different context that also applies.  Healing, hope, and battle–FORWARD, TOGETHER FORWARD.

Go Huskies!  And go Us!

Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry

Winner! We loved Charleston’s Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry. Super cool exhibits. We didn’t get to play with everything this first trip, so we went ahead and bought a family membership. I’m certain we’ll get our money’s worth. We went with our pal, Becca. She’s here, in her feather boa, posing with the boys in front of the child-size entrance.

Becca and Ben loved the kid-life-size shrimp boat. They intermittently and simultaneously were fishers, workers, and pirates. Will liked the rubber fish, but was a bit put off by most of the other, older children on the boat and their boisterous play. Ben, on the other hand, is excited by the loud dramatic play scenes. He is especially attracted to the “captain”. You know him. The bossiest kid on the boat who has comandeered both the wheel and the captain’s hat? He’s yelling orders at whomever will listen to “man the sails!” “get the nets!” “no, I’M the captain!” The other children follow along with frantic yelling and running in their mock panic. This ’stress’ theme seems to be common across age groups. I wonder if that’s just part of what makes action play exciting, or if it’s a sign of the times. Anyway, here are our little skippers.

The next best part of the museum experience was the grocery store. At least for Will it was. Ben did not secure a shopping cart quickly enough for his liking and returned to the shrimp boat with Becca. But Will. Oh my little shopper. The child-size metal carts are the same as the kid carts the boys love love love to use at Whole Foods. In the museum grocery store, though, the kid’s are in charge. Mama doesn’t get to say what goes in the cart. Once Will figured that part out, it was like a kid in a candy store, er, grocery store. Heh.

The store set up was adorable with shelves of packaged goods, a meat counter, a dairy case (with cool air blowing!), a flower display, a small refrigerator near the checkout lanes with convenience sized drinks. The checkout area was complete with a scanner that actually scanned (all the food had UPC labels!) and beeped and totaled up the bill on the computer screen.

As you can imagine, this is a hugely popular exhibit. Where he was daunted on the shrimp boat, Will charged right into the fury in the grocery. The produce section, where we do most of our actual shopping got a mere glance, with the exception of the procurement of one bright yellow plastic ear of corn. We don’t eat corn. Food sensitivities and diet protocol prohibit it. We haven’t had any in months, maybe a year. Will gleefully tossed that into the cart. He then zipped through the aisles where “real” cans, boxes, and plastic/rubber replicas of food items were neatly placed by their photo labels. None of it too familiar (since we eat mostly whole foods these days), he pounced on the things he recognized. “Mustard!” “Beans!” “Baking soda!” (which cracked me up) He didn’t even blink at the boxes of mac-n-cheese, crackers, or cereal. In the oh-so-cute, “air conditioned” dairy case, however, it was a different story. “CHEESE!!” Will exclaimed, practically exploding with enthusiasm. Where he had only selected one each of the other items, Will cleared the shelves of the cream cheese boxes, hunks of ’swiss’, and bright orange cheddar. Will has never tolerated dairy well. As a breastfeeding infant, he’d puke if *I* consumed any milk products. His intolerance has continued until very recently with the introduction of goat’s milk cheddar. I believe we have an addict.

The grocery store was really really hard to leave. There was some screaming. Some falling down dramatically. Some throwing of baking soda boxes. And then a full recovery. Phew. We can’t wait to go back.