Our “Girlie”

It is not a name I would have chosen. 

Ever.

If I think about it too much, it has the smell of misogyny about it,  in that icky backhanded 1940’s  slang sort of way.    You know where “dame” and “broad” , “toots”, and “doll” were used in a patriarchal pat-on-the-head “you’re so dumb, but cute” fashion.  That is, when they weren’t being used outright as derogatory terms.

I am a “Free to Be You and Me” child of the 70’s.  I am not supposed to take whatever is dished out as acceptable, ‘just’ because I am a girl (woman).  I can do anything boys can do.  I can do ANYTHING!  Hear me roar! Etc. Etc. Etc.

But.  If I don’t think about it, I can handle it.  And.  There’s not much I can do to change it at this point.   It’s sticking.  She responds to this other name as easily as she does her given name.   And I have even found myself referring to her  in this way.   For what it’s worth, and I think a lot, the name only suits her in a contradictory manner.   Ella Rose loves her baby doll, but drops it without a thought for a Hot Wheels car.  She insists on wearing her brother’s old Lighting McQueen t-shirt, making loud car noises in church, and playing in the dirt.

She is a fairly competent wrestling partner for Will and offers up her fist for a bump with much more force than you might think possible in a sixteen-month-old.

Our Girlie’s eyes light up at the sight of a motorcycle and will shout out “boo-doz-ah” when we pass the bulldozer on a walk.  She was a climber before she could walk, scaling the playground ramp up to the top platform without a spotter.  ["has anyone seen the baby?  Oh my God, how did you get up there?"] 

Her spunk is matched only by her ‘art of persuasion’ which usually sounds a lot like Hollering to Raise the Dead, until you find what she wants and hand it over.  To which she will grab, smile sweetly and say “tank yoo”.  If she could wink, I think she would add one in there, as well.

So, “Girlie” it is.  Used in the sassy, backhanded, car-vrooming, knuckle-bumping, eye-winking way that says “I am a child of a child of the 70’s.  I am Grrrl–hear me holler!”

Birth of a Reader

It’s official.  Ben is a reader.

The code has been cracked.  The letter shapes have meaning beyond their names.  Beyond their “sounds”.  The clumps of letters have significance.  They make words!  And the order of the letters in the words is important.  The words are always lined up left to right.  Top of the page to the bottom.   The words represent things.  They’re symbols that can’t be touched, but must be seen in our minds–abstractly.  When it’s all put together using eyes, memory, and visualization, the symbols are combined and coordinated and gelled and processed and it makes perfect sense!

And it happened just like that.

One day he was a pre-reader, the next he could read.

I remember vividly when I first learned to read.  The world just opened up and was available to me in a way it wasn’t just the day before.  Words were everywhere! Words with information!  (The faucet in the tub says HOT and COLD!)  I can remember reading the stop sign at the end of our street for the first time and really ‘getting’ how although I knew it had said STOP before,  it was different now because I could read it.  I understood the sound/symbol code and that those letters put together in that certain way could make a big impact in the world.   Heck, even giant yellow school busses paid attention to that word.

It seems to be just the same for Ben.  He reads everything.  If he were awake right now, he’d be trying to read over my shoulder as I type.  Every street sign (“No parking, mom”), every shelf label at the grocery store (“Pork!  We need to buy some pork.”), every billboard (“That says ‘aquarium’.  We need to go to the aquarium.”), and of course, every book is now brimming with excitement and opportunity just waiting to be read.   Ben’s memory skills serve him well in this area as he has a large ’sight word’ (words you don’t need to encode, but know from memory) bank.  He also does not seem thrown by the endless “rule breakers” found in the English language.  He gets the idea of ‘blends’, ’silent’ e’s, and  seems to accept that C says “keh” and also “sss”, but K only says “keh” unless it’s ’silent’.  He doesn’t know the crazy terms, of course, yet allows for the inconsistencies just the same.

What is also notable, for Ben, is that his new skill opens up so many more ways to communicate and connect with others.  And he already desires to do so.  He tells me what he reads, asks questions, points out words that he sees.  I, in turn, have him read me the pancake recipe, the mail,  the grocery list…  We’ve started writing stories together, composing letters, labeling artwork…  It’s all really really fun. And it provides a whole new avenue for pursuing our RDI goals.

We never used any phonics programs, letter sound videos, or electronic “educational toys”.  For one, they annoy me.  For another, those types of toys can really discouarage a child from seeking out human interaction–not something we needed to promote in our Ben.  What did we do?  We read books.  Lots and lots and lots of books.  We went to the library every week.  We had lots of print all around us–lists, labels, newspapers, magazines, catalogs, letters from Grandma…  We read things aloud, pointed to the words, tracked text while we read, let him sit in our laps while we typed, wrote things together… We also watched some Sesame Street, although it’s contribution to the effort is, although wonderfully entertaining,  most likely negligible.   So this milestone of Ben’s came about the old fashioned way, environmentally supported, naturally modelled, and thoughtfully guided until development buds and blooms.

Hooray!

Third Birthday!

He is absolutely, 100%, no doubt about it, in all ways THREE. But part of me can’t see it. As precocious as his babyhood was–walking at nine months, saying things like ‘bulldozer’ before he was 18 months–it is often hard to remember Will as an infant. And yet, he will always be my baby in my mind.  I won’t soon forget his birth–the one I did not plan, but that Mark “attended” via his phonecall from Iraq at just the right moment.  My big, ten pound, six ounce baby with cheeks that made ‘chubby’ sound svelte. He remains my must-be-bounced-carried-held-don’teventhinkaboutlayingmedown-to-sleep little guy who gave me such great upper body strength, and helped me lose 20 extra pounds while nursing him.   And my hindsight is perfect when I recall his poor little allergic body (before I gave up dairy)–rubbing his baby legs together to scratch that eczema itch, the night sweats, the back-arching, the baby acne that lasted forever, the troubles with pooping…No, nothing will diminish the memory of that OR my funny, sunny baby with those twinkly brown eyes and constantly revving engine.  Not even turning THREE. 

Happy Birthday Will!

Love,

Mama

What does that mean?

Ben’s language has been exploding lately. It’s not that his vocabulary is growing. He’s always had LOTS of *words*, it’s putting the words together to fully express his intent that has been a challenge for Ben. But not only that. Beyond requesting things, naming things and answering questions there has been a void in Ben’s typical conversation repetoire. It’s actually one of the long-term “wishes” I’ve had for Ben and RDI. I’ve longed for Ben to develop CURIOSITY.

I didn’t notice it at first, but as Will got older and his play matured, it was easier to see the deficit. Ben’s play lacked the investigative nature of exploration. He didn’t experiment, or try new ways of using a toy. His pretend play was very very simple and would stall out after declaring who he was pretending to be (“I’m Dadda”, “I’m the worker”.)

But now. Wow. It started with some non-fiction picture books we have. They’re filled with photos of animals and lots of sidebar information about them. Ben would pour over each page when looking at books by himself, and would request the books be read aloud to him every chance he got. “Under the Sea” was a favorite and he loved to comment not only that there was a scuba diver, but that the diver “uses a face mask and snorkel” and that “divers can take pictures with an underwater camera”.

But then. Oh, then. Ben has seen photos of Mark and I when we used to scuba dive. They come up fairly often on our ‘photo slide show’ screen saver. Comparisons between the diver in the book and the “Mama was a diver” photos started happening. Not such a big deal in our neuro-typical world, but Capital B-I-G in Ben’s.

From there he’s progressed to *asking questions* about things. At first, it was “what’s that?” or “what’s that called?” But often, the answer *wasn’t enough* for Ben. He’s figured out he can get MORE information by asking the right questions. So now he follows up his initial query with more questions, usually “what’s that mean?”, to *clarify*! And to make sure of his understanding, he’ll repeat what I’ve said and sometimes, not often, but sometimes, will PARAPHRASE the definition by relating his new experience to a past one! It’s really really incredible. I’m loving every minute, even when the questions get tricky and I defer to the husband. “hmm, that’s a good question for Daddy!”

Here’s a sampling of what Ben’s been wondering about this month:

“What’s coal?” then, “what’s carbon mean?” (one for Daddy!)
“What’s sleigh mean?”
“What’s ‘rejoice’ mean?”
“What’s needle and thread?”
“What’s this called?” (garland) “What’s that mean?”
“What’s that mean–celebrate?”
“What’s manger?”
“What’s shepherd mean?”
And on and on and on…

But that’s not all. There have been wonderful developments physically with Ben’s balance, coordination, and strength. The desire to relate and connect with others expands every day. And he’s reading. Not memorizing, Reading. I’ll save these milestones for another post, however. For now we’re celebrating ["celebrate means I dance and sing and have a party."] CURIOSITY!

Wishing you many Little Miracles!
Merry Christmas!

GigiMama

She walks!

I love how Will yells “she walked!” after the first clip.

I also LOVE how Ben, in his jammies and skates, points across the room to Will and asks, “you want to rollerskate?” (An RDI moment, for sure!)

And who could not LOVE Will’s response?  “Yeah, let’s ROLL!”

We’re celebrating milestones ALL OVER here!

First Birthday!

I just can’t believe it has been a year since Ella Rose’s birth.  Our baby girl is nearly a toddler.  Good thing she’s still bald, it helps me remember she’s still a bitty baby yet.  She’s also not walking yet, and that’s a good thing for me.  She’s a fast crawler, but I can still keep up with her.  As long as the boys close the door to the garage.  Because if they didn’t, she might crawl right on out into the garage, through the maze of bikes, chalk, rockpiles, and garden tools and plant herself in the dirt and grass of our front lawn.  She might.  I don’t know if she would, of course, because I am a Good Mother who is always aware of my children’s whereabouts.  I would never ever get too involved in dinner prep to realize that I hadn’t heard the baby recently, lookand run around frantically OH MY GOD! WHERE IS THE BABY?? WHERE DID YOU PUT YOUR SISTER??  I would also, always believe my 2 year old when he tells me “she’s outside, Mama.” And I would not waste another 45 seconds checking the bedroom one more time because the baby wouldn’t really go outside alone.  That particular scenerio would just NEVER happen around here.  No sir.  Not this house.  Not this Mama.  Glory be and Lord have Mercy.

And, so, yes, I am quite content with the pre-walking Ella Rose.  Who is ONE YEAR OLD today.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!

RDI Update

It has been six months since we started Ben’s RDI program.  (For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, you can catch up here, here, and here.)  We traveled to Jacksonville, FL for his bi-annual re-evaluation last month.  We keep in touch with April, our RDI consultant, through bi-weekly phone conferences, email and video clips of our progress.  We knew going in to the re-eval that there had been some remarkable progress, that Ben had experienced significant growth.  And, of course, the ‘numbers’ backed that up.  His developmental test scores all showed improvement.  Now if you know me at all, you know that I don’t believe in numbers.  Meaning, data in measurable units has it’s worth, but it’s not very significant worth to me.  I prefer to evaluate growth and change through more holistic means.  For example, I try not to weigh myself very often, but I sure notice when my jeans feel too snug.  RDI, in all it’s wisdom, also does not rely on numbers.  The tests are given (observation rating scales) and scored, but mostly for show.  The truest gains in Ben’s development have been so natural, so organic, that we barely noticed them as they occurred.  Much of the week of re-eval, we spent remarking, “Oh yeah…he *used* to do that, didn’t he?”  It is amazing to me how much you can forget, and how easy we readjust our idea of “normal”.

In addition to the RDI re-evaluation, we had April screen and develop a HANDLE program for Ben to address his sensory difficulties.  HANDLE is the Holistic Approach to NeuroDevelopment and Learning Efficacy.  We’ve been using a general program developed for children on the Autism Spectrum, but now we have a program tailor-made for Ben’s specific needs.  Like RDI, this is a family-based therapy and it focuses on the roots of Ben’s sensory challenges by gently strengthening the neurological systems that support how his body works in the world.  And again, the gains are so subtle and natural that we barely notice them until we look back.

Some examples of changes we’ve experienced in the last six months are:

• Expanded language.  THEN: I noted back in March that Ben’s language seemed to have plateaued out at 2-3 word phrases with memorized scripts or ’sound bytes’ that were repeated over and over in increasing volume until you replied with your scripted ‘line’.   NOW:  Scripted language is an occasional to rare occurrence.  Ben doesn’t always use longer phrasing than before, but what he does say is much richer and more dynamic.  Almost everything is novel–created for the moment.  He comments, asks questions, answers questions, reflects on past events… It is truly amazing.
• Using pronouns.  THEN:  Ben had a really really hard time with the you/me thing.  For example, he’d say “Mama, hold you.” when he wanted me to hold him, or “you want more” when *he* wanted more of something.  We’d repeat the right way to say things, withhold wanted items until he repeated it correctly over and over, but he never caught on.   April promised it would come naturally with RDI and encouraged us to let it go.  NOW:  With his new understanding of himself as a person, Ben uses correct pronouns almost 100% of the time WITH NO DIRECT TEACHING.  Do you know how many children I taught with “pronoun goals” on their IEPs??  Amazing, again.
• Eye contact.  THEN:  Ben would give eye contact, but only if he recognized you as ’safe’.  It took three days before my mom got an engaged look from Ben once when they came to visit.  He also didn’t use eye contact for gathering information–facial referencing, it’s called.  NOW:  Ben shows a great understanding of facial referencing and it’s importance to connectedness.   He even seeks out other children in small groups by trying to establish face to face contact!!
• Social play.  THEN:  Ben seemed to like other children, but would keep a safe distance and just watch.  He engaged mostly in solitary ‘play’ with objects.  NOW:  Ben LOVES playing with other children, seeks them out, and attempts to INITIATE interactions without any direct intervention of what to say, how to move, preparedness of ‘what might happen’.  He is not without quirks, and is not ‘typical’ yet, but he has gained more in six months in this area than I ever imagined.  I rarely saw social gains occur this quickly in the classroom, and NEVER in a child on the Spectrum.  School was every day.  We have playgroup once, maybe twice, a week.
• Bits and pieces.  Ben has overall less anxiety.  He can now run, jump, and blow bubbles–all things that were very difficult and did not seem to improve no matter how much we practiced before.  He can dress himself, wash his hands, and draw a face–all without my ‘teaching’ him.  He laughs at jokes, reminds me of things I forget (seatbelt, keys, where I put my phone), fights with his brother (No, Will!  That’s mine!), used pretend play, and wants to do everything HIMSELF.

This is just a snippet, of course.  It doesn’t really give you a good enough picture of the bright, clear-eyed, quick-to-respond, happy little boy that has emerged from our Ben.   We can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

I do have to give a shout-out to Elaine Gottschall (RIP) who authored the Specific Carbohydrate Diet.  Healing Ben’s gut and leveling out his digestive issues, including night pain that interfered with sleep, has been equally beneficial in treating Ben.  So, huzzah for the trifecta–RDI, HANDLE,  and SCD!